Entry 3: Eureka!!

I was having a great day today! Washed my hair threw on some make up and out the door Jace and I went to meet up with my girlfriends. All of us have had babies within the past 3 months. We grabbed some lunch, then coffee and off to do some shopping. I was having a blast celebrating the highs and commiserating in the lows of motherhood when all of sudden I saw it. I couldn't figure out what to do. Stare or look away. I was grossed out but at the same time confused. It was my reflection in a full length mirror. I avoid those stupid things like the plague!

My girlfriends were nursing, which P.S. their nice and slender which made this all the harder, so I'm sure they didn't notice my sudden silence since they were preoccupied.

All I could think was, "When the heck did that happen?" So, yes, I've struggled with my weight my whole life but I think I should clarify. I was never blubbery growing up, I was just never a size 2. But now, uh, well things are a different story. I have a constant ache inside at the discontent I feel toward myself. I don't look in mirrors, I avoid my reflection in windows and NEVER buy clothes unless I literally have nothing to wear.

So to make myself feel better I make a brilliant choice. I turn on the finale of the biggest loser and listen to how all you have to do is make a choice to lose weight and be healthy. Believe it, be it! That is a bunch of....I'll let you fill in the blank. I can see my gym from my apartment but you would think I have to climb the Berlin Wall to get to it. Seriously! I haven't been once. Why? Because I don't want anyone to see me. "Oh how cute. The chubby girl is trying at least." UGH! It seems like you have to be thin already to go to the gym! Where's the fat people gym. That's the one I want to go to!

There is only one thing I can do numb the constant pain, sing. It's the one thing I will toot my own horn about. I grew up in a traveling bluegrass band family. It was the best! Every weekend we packed up the instruments and camper and headed to a new camp ground! My grandpa and dad played guitar, my uncle a kick butt banjo, and other friends played instruments such as the stand up bass, fiddle and so on. Nothing makes me happier than listening to music and/or singing. It's when I am reminded that I am God's creation and I am special, it's when I feel most complete. So there was my Eureka moment. I figured out what makes me happy when I am sad. When I don't feel good enough I sing. It reminds that I am beautiful and I can make God and myself smile!

Currently there are two bands/CDs acting as my current pain reliever of this whole weight struggle:

ANY Evanescence CD

Eastlake THREE CD - It's our church's new worship album - If you don't have it, BUY IT, no, seriously,: http://www.eastlakecc.com/stuff


**P.S. After all recording costs are paid off all sale proceeds go to missions. The church and band does not gain any money from the sale of this CD.**


Needless to say, I haven't done jack squat since I started this blog. I was suddenly inspired to go run tonight then realized tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Well, wouldn't that be pointless! Inspiration suddenly, just at the wrong time! Besides, I got 4 hours of sleep and walked the mall for four hours. That has to count for something!!

So, I'm going to give this another go but I'm going to bite off a smaller piece this time (no pun intended). Instead of shooting to be 130 pounds we'll shot for just going for a light walk on the treadmill Monday. I'll write Monday to let you know what happens!